1、那种就像我需要一直跟别人待在一起才能做深呼吸的感觉，是孤单。男朋友跟我分手，那种极为焦虑恐慌的感受，是寂寞。但现在这种场景呢？这是平静，是趣味，是构建自信心的基础。以下是我学会独处的方法。1. I just did it. And let go of trying to look cool.我只是一个人独处，并不去想怎么尽量看起来酷。2. Make a list of your favorite things. And dont wait for anyone.列出你最爱的事物，不要等任何人跟你一起去践行。3. Schedule It. And dont cancel on yourself.
2、计划时间，不要取消与自己的约会。For the past year, Ive been single by choice. Not by circumstance. Not because no one will ask me out or I cant find anyone eligible. Its hard for some people to believe that I am choosing not to date, and I often get weird looks and confused grunts from my old aunt and college frien
3、ds alike. Why would someone voluntarily choose to stay single? To spend time alone? Arent I missing out on life by not going on Tinder dates? What if The One is out there but I dont catch him because Im too busy staying single?过去一年中，我选择保持单身。这不是因为环境因素，不是因为没人约我出去或是我不能找到合适人选。有些人很难相信我选择不去约会。大姨和大学同学们老是对我
4、投以怪异的眼神和不解地咕哝。为什么会有人愿意保持单身？愿意独自一人消磨时光？没有继续在Tinder络交友平台）上相亲的我，难道不是错过了生活（的乐趣）吗？要是我命中注定的另一半就在Tinder上，但我因为忙着保持单身而错过了他，那怎么办？Im not the slightest bit embarrassed to say out loud that Ive been dating myself and its been the most nurturing, sustainable, and non-anxiety inducing relationship Ive ever had. Th
5、eres no waiting to be texted back （or obsessing about if my text is too flirty, too needy, too wordy）, and theres no feeling like another person just doesnt understand me.大声说出我正和自己相约，一点也不让我尴尬，而且它是我所有的关系中最滋养人、最持久也最不会引发焦虑的。我不需要等待他人的回复（或是费神考虑我的短信是否太过轻浮、有求于人或是冗长啰嗦），另外我也不会再有那种就是有人无法明白我的感觉了。That doesnt me
6、an I dont plan on dating other people in future I definitely do. But I know now that the relationship Ive built with myself is a model for the relationship I want to be in. Im kind and patient and gentle and loving and forgiving of myself. I laugh at my mistakes and I let go of my errors. I am stron
7、g and courageous. Thats the kind of person I want to be with and the type of relationship I hope to be in.这不意味着我将来不打算谈恋爱（我当然会谈啦）。可我如今明白，与自己建立的这种关系是我想要与另一半相处的模式。我友善、耐心、温柔、友爱又宽容。我对自己犯的错误一笑了之。我强大而勇敢。这便是我想要的对象，也是我希望同他建立起的恋爱关系。I know now that Im not going into the relationship as a half, Im going in as a
8、 whole. So whether it works out or doesnt work out, deep down, I havent lost anything. Im still me. Im still complete. I still have the friendship Ive built with theme that Ive grown to know and love over the past 23 years. Thats the greatest relief Ive ever known.我现在知道了，我不会在恋爱关系中有所保留，而将会是全身心投入。因此无论
9、这段关系是否有好的结果，在内心深处我都没有任何损失。我仍然是我自己，我仍然完好无损，我同自己建立起的友谊依旧存在，那是我在过去23年中渐渐了解并爱上的。这便是我所知的最大欣慰。Dealing with Difficult People如何与难相处的人打交道Dr. Manny Alvarez: Who doesnt have a difficult colleague, friend, or family member? The bad news, often times, youre forced to interact with these people on a daily basis a
10、nd they could have a personality disorder. But the good news is there are simple ways you can learn to deal with their behaviors.Dr. Andrew Twardon: A person with a paranoid personality is someone who is very much preoccupied with loyalty of other people, uh, it is a person who constantly scans the
11、environment and other people, looking for possible indications or signs of some sort of deception.Dr. Alvarez: The solution Dr. Twardon suggests, stick to conversation topics that are safe, and not too personal. Avoid any signs of criticisms or attack, and refrain from using language that is patroni
12、zing or condescending.Dr. Twardon: A narcissistic person really believes that she is better than you. And because I am better than you, I am entitled to expect that you do the things for me. I am entitled to be focused exclusively on my own needs and kind of disregard yours. So how do you deal with
13、those ego-maniacs? Dont be defensive with this person; it could trigger a fight, and try to make yourself an important part of his or her world in order to keep up the relationship. That is essentially a person who is dealing with a lot of internal.call it insecurity, or internal anxiety, and intern
14、al conflicts. And the way of resolving internal conflicts is by organizing the external environment. Dr. Twardon is talking about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which can make others jumpy. Try acknowledging their hard work with compliments, compromise with them when possible, and also avoid conflic
15、t. And Dr. Twardon reminds us we all have a little bit of these personalities in ourselves, so treat others as you would like to be treated.曼尼阿尔瓦雷斯医生：谁没有难相处的同事、朋友或家人呢？坏消息是，人们通常不得不每天和这些人打交道，而他们可能有人格障碍。但好消息是你可以学习一些应对他们行为的简单方法。 安德鲁托登医生：性格偏执的人非常注重其他人的忠诚，嗯，这类人会不断地审视环境和其他人以找到某种欺骗的可能迹象或征兆。托登医生建议的解决方法是：紧紧围绕
16、安全的话题，不要过于涉及私事。避免任何批评或抨击的痕迹，不要使用傲慢或有优越感的措辞。自恋的人确信她比你优秀。因为我比你优秀，所以我有权让你为我做事，我有权只注重自己的需要，而有时忽略你的需要。怎样跟那些自恋狂打交道呢？不用对这种人持防御姿态，这会引发争吵，试着让自己成为他或她的世界里重要的一员来维持你们的关系。本质上来说有一种人在不断解决很多内在的叫作不安全感或内在焦虑、内在冲突。他们需要通过使外部环境条理化来解决内在冲突。托登医生说的是会让其他人胆战心惊的强迫症。试着用赞美的话来肯定他们的辛勤工作，可能的话对他们妥协，同样要避免冲突。托登医生提醒我们：我们自己的性格中都会有一点这些个性，所
17、以要像你希望自己被对待的方式那样来对待别人。与身边人更好相处的10个重要原则1. Model behavior.The most important thing you can do to convert others to your ideas is to be the best model possible. Walk the walk, and do it visibly, so others can see what youre doing. This goes for your spouse, for your kids, for family and friends, for co
18、-workers. Just showing how to do it can be a powerful tool indeed. Declutter your life, live more simply, and youll go a long way to converting others.1. 榜样的力量。想让别人相信你的观点最重要的一点就是尽可能地做一个好榜样。走自己的路，正大光明，所以别人才能够看到你做的。这样做是为了你的配偶，孩子，家庭，朋友以及同事。事实上，如何做到这一点可能要好好思量。好好生活，过更简单的生活。去改变别人，你还有很长一段路要走。2. Share how i
19、mportant it is to you, and the benefits. This is really the second part of being a role model: as you start to live the simple life, show others how great it is to you, how important a part of your life this is. Talk with them about it, and tell them why youre doing this. When people understand your
20、 motivation, they can start to get on board, or at least stop feeling so threatened. And when they see how great it is for you, how happy it makes you and all the great things it brings into your life, theyll move closer and closer to your way.2. 于你而言，分享是非常重要且有利的。这是成为一个真正的榜样的第二步：对你而言，当你开始过上简单的日子，告诉其
21、他人这样的日子是多么的精彩，这样的日子是多么的重要。与他们谈论这件事，并且告诉他们你这样做的目的是什么。一旦他们理解了你的目的，他们便会开始赞同你，至少不会再感到威胁。当他们看到你的日子如此精彩，你是如此快乐，它给你的生活带来了如此多的美好事物时。他们会越来越认同你的方法。3. Ask for help. One of the first things I did with Eva was ask for her support. Not just her consent, but her physical help. I confessed that I cant do it on my o
22、wn and I need her. Many people, if they truly care about you, want to help you. They want you to be happy, and if you tell them how they can help you succeed, theyll do their best. If possible, make simplifying a team effort not just something youre doing, but something youre all doing together. And
23、 make it fun!3. 寻求帮助。我与女儿Eva相处，首要的是寻求她的支持。不仅仅是她口头上的赞同，而是她实际的帮助。我承认我不能独立完成一些事，所以我需要她的帮助。很多人，如果他们真的关心你，他们就会想要帮助你。他们想要你快乐，如果你告知他们什么方法能够助你成功的话，他们将会全力以赴。如果可能，团队合作会让事情更加简单，不仅仅是你正在做的一些事情，而是所有的事大家一起做。让它变得有趣些。4. Educate.The best way to educate others is, as I said above, by your good example. But beyond that
24、, you may want to share books and websites and blogs youre reading, not in a way that insists that they change, but just to show what youre interested in and how they might learn more if theyre interested. Documentaries, podcasts, magazines, and other good sources of information are helpful as well.
25、 You cant force people to read or watch, but you can make it available. In addition, talk with them about it again, not in a pushy way but in a way that shows how excited you are and how youd like to share what youre learning about. If they seem put off, dont drone on and on.4. 教育。正如我以上所说，教育别人最好的方法就
26、是以身作则。但是除此之外，你可能想要与人分享你正在看的书、浏览的网站或是博客，不是以坚持要求他们改变这种方式，而是只需要表明你感兴趣的，如果他们感兴趣，他们可能会学得更多。纪录片、博客、杂志以及其他好的信息来源也对我们有益。你不能强迫别人去读或者看，但是你能让其变得有效。另外，与他们讨论这件事，同样，不要以一种强求的方式，而是表明你对此很激动，并且想要分享你正在了解的。如果他们看起来精神不集中，就不要一直讲下去了。5. Help them succeed.If you do have some success converting some of the important people in
27、 your life to your way of thinking, at least to a minor degree, dont criticize when they dont do it as well as youd like, or to the extent youd like. Instead, be encouraging, be happy for them, and support them in any way you can. Again, make it a team effort.5. 帮助他人成功。如果在你生命中一些重要的人，确实成功地被你的思考方式，至少是
28、较小程度上的改变，如果他们没有按照你想的那么做，也不要去批评。相反，你应该鼓励他们，为他们感到高兴，只要你能办到，无论怎样都要支持他们。同样地，一起努力。6. Realize you cant control or change others.One of the most common frustrations comes when people try to control other people, or force them to change. Its a recipe for disaster. You can try to control others, but there will always be a struggle, and youll always fail to some degree. This applies to your significant other, even to kids. We try to control them but we cant, not really. Instead, try to influence others, encourage them, support them, help them find happiness. And let go of the need to
