1、Friends老友记第一季第23集 The BirthThe One With the BirthStory by: David Crane & Marta KauffmanTeleplay by: Jeff Greenstein & Jeff StraussTranscribed by: Mindy Mattingly PhillipsMinor additions and adjustments by: Dan SilversteinScene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waitin
2、g room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive. Ross: Shes not here yet. Shes not here. Shes having my baby and shes not here.Monica: Im sure everythings fine. Has her water broke yet?Ross: I dont know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.(Joey makes a sound of abs
3、olute disgust.)Joey: Do we have to know about that?Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?Joey: Im gonna be in the waitin room, handing out cigars.Chandler: Yes, Joeys made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50s.Ross: God, I dont believe this. She could be giving bir
4、th in the cab.Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. Its probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction.(Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless comment.)Rachel: What, its ok when Chandler does it?Chandler: You have to pick your moments.(P
5、hoebe arrives, guitar in hand.)Phoebe: Did I miss it, did I miss it?Ross: Shes not even here yet.Monica: Whats with the guitar?Phoebe: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, things might get musical.(Carol and Susan arrive.)Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?Susan: We stopp
6、ed at the gift shop.Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. Were having a baby, ok, a baby, you dont stop for Chunkys.Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.(Everyone is amused by Chandlers comment.)Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I me
7、an.Opening CreditsScene: Carols Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.Ross: Stopped for a Chunky.Carol: Let it go, Ross.Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross face)Ross: (weakly) No.(Carols doctor, Dr. Franzblau arrives.)Dr. Franzblau
8、: Hey, hows my favorite parenting team doing?Ross: Dr. Franzblau, hi.Dr. Franzblau: So, I understand youre thinking of having a baby? Well, I see youre nine months pregnant. Thats a good start. How you doing with your contractions?Carol: Oh, I love them. Each ones like a little party in my uterus.Su
9、san: Theyre every four minutes and last 55 seconds.Ross: 59 seconds. (holds up his watch) Quartz, ha.Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?Dr. Franzblau: Ice chips, just ice chips. Theyre at the nurses station.Ross: Ill get it.Susan: No, Im getting it. Ill be right back.R
10、oss: I got itIm getting it!(They both leave just as Rachel enters the room, holding a cup.)Rachel: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips.Carol: Thanks.Rachel: And if you need anything else, I(notices the handsome Dr. Franzblau)do not believe weve met. Hi. Im, uh, Rachel Green. Im Carols. ex-hu
11、sbands. sisters roommate. Dr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. Im Dr. Franzblau. Im your roommates. brothers. ex-wifes obstetrician.Rachel: Oh, thats funny!Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monicas shoulder.Monica: I want a baby.Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an ear
12、ly day tomorrow.Monica: Get up. Come on. Lets get some coffee.Chandler: Oh, ok, cause we never do that.(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)Joey: (to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. Thats good too.(A young pregnant woman
13、enters.)Lydia: Knick fan?Joey: Oh, yeah.Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck.Joey: Hey, listen, lady.(sees that shes pregnant).whoa.Lydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know what, he couldnt hit water if he was standing on a boat.Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?Lydia: The Celtics.Joey: Th
14、e Celtics? Ha. They couldnt hit a boat if.wait. They suck, alright?Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, its a rebuilding year. You. waah!Joey: Wha? Wha.aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!Lydia: There is no father.Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.Lydia: Ok, thats ok. Im fine
15、. Im. oh!Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin in here.Lydia: Ok.(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.)Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.Phoebe: (singing) Theyre tiny and chubby and so sweet
16、to touch,and soon theyll grow up and resent you so much. Now theyre yelling at you and you dont know why, you cry and you cry and you cry. And you cry and you cry and you cry.(Ross gives Phoebe a dollar.)Phoebe: Thanks, Ross.Ross: Yeah. Im paying you to stop.Phoebe: Ok.(A woman passes by, carrying n
17、ewborn twins.)Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.Monica: No fair. I dont even have one. How come they get two?Chandler: Youll get one.Monica: Oh yeah? When?Chandler: All right. Ill tell you what. When were 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together an
18、d have one?Monica: Why wont I be married when Im 40?Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why wont I be married when Im 40?Chandler: No, no, no.Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.Monica: Well?Ch
19、andler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)(Rachel enters, in a formal dress.)Rachel: Hey.Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress.Monica: Did you go home and change?Rachel: Yeah, well, its an important day. I wanna look nice. Um,
20、has uh Dr. Franzblau been by?Monica: No, I havent seen him.Rachel: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. (Pause) What if the baby needs him?Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor? Rachel: Yeah, why?Chandler: No reason. (turns around,
21、makes an Oh my God gesture with his eyes)Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.Lydia: Mom, weve been through this. No, Im not calling him. I dont care if it is his kid, the guys a jerk. No, Im not alone. Joeys here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (cov
22、ers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?Joey: Tribbiani.Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.Joey: (takes phone) Hi, yeah, its me. (Listens) Oh, no no no, were just friends. (Listens) Yeah, Im single. (Listens) 25. (Listens) An actor. (Listens) Hello?L
23、ydia: Shes not much of a phone person.Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, whats the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin my baby somewhere, Id wanna know about it, you know?Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Uh, no. Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.L
24、ydia: Maybe you should.Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh? (He leaves, but then returns a moment later.)Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team.Lydia: Oh, that is so not true.Joey: Oh, it is.Lydia: It isnt.Joey: It is.Lydia: Isnt!Scene: Carols Hospital Room
25、, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.Ross: Breathe.Susan: Breathe.Ross: Breathe.Susan: Breathe.Ross: Breathe.Susan: Breathe.Carol: Youre gonna kill me!Ross: 15 more seconds, 14, 13, 12.Carol: Count faster.Susan: Its gonna be ok, just remember, were doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.
26、Ross: Who the hell is Jordie?Susan: Your son.Ross: No-no-no. I dont have a son named Jordie. We all agreed, my sons name is Jamie.Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susans first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.Ross: What? Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean, back to Jordie? We never landed
27、on Jordie. We just passed by it during the whole Jessy, Cody, Dylan fiasco.Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.Ross: I got it.Susan: I got it.Ross: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get the cramps.Susan: No, you dont.Carol: All right, thats it. I want both of you out.Ros
28、s: Why?Susan: He started it!Ross: No, you started it.Susan: You did!Carol: I dont care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and youre not making it any easier.Ross: But.Carol: Now go!Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot.Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen.Carol: Out
29、! (Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)Scene: Lydias Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.Nurse: Breathe, breathe, breathe.Lydia: Oh, no.(Joey looks down at Lydia.)Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!Nurse: Its just
30、 her water breaking. Calm down, will you?Joey: (panicked) Water breaking, what do you mean? Whats that, water breaking?Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.Ross: Please. This is so your fault.Susan: How, how is this my fault?Ross: Look, Carol never t
31、hrew me out of a room before you came along.Susan: Yeah? Well, theres a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.Ross: You tryin to be clever? A funny lady?Susan: You know what your problem is? Youre threatened by me.Ross: Oh, Im threatened by you?Susan: Yes.(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down the hall, taking them into a broom closet.)Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, thats it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I dont believe you. There a
