1、115 The One With the Stoned Guy115 The One With the Stoned GuyScene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving Joey, Ross, and Monica their drinks.Rachel: (to Joey) Coffee. (Hands it to him.)Joey: Thank you.Rachel: (to Ross) Cappuccino. (Hands it to him.) Ross: Grazie.Rachel: And a nice hot cider for Monica.
2、(Hands it to her.)Monica: Aww, thank you. (Notices something.) Uh Rach?Rachel: Yeah?Monica: Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser?Rachel: Oh! Thats why. (Rachel checks behind her ear, and finds a cinamon stick.) Im sorry!(She takes the pencil out of Monicas coffee and Monica puts her cup down in
3、disgust.)Opening CreditsScene: Chandlers job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.Woman: Chandler.Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. Youre looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering slee
4、ve length on you.Mrs. Tedlock: Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day.Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.Sce
5、ne: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.Phoebe: Hey you guys! Chandlers coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know.(Chandler comes in.)Chandler: Hey!All: Hey!Phoebe: Never mind. But it was going to
6、be really good.Ross: Whats going on?All: What is it?Chandler: So, its a typical day at work. Im inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.All: Thats great!Chandler: So. I quit.All: Why?Chandler: Why? This was supposed to be a tem
7、p job!Monica: Yeah, Chandler. youve been there for five years.Chandler: If I took this promotion, itd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.Phoebe: So was it a lot more money?Chandler: It doesnt matter. I just dont want to be one of those guys thats in his office until twelve oclock at n
8、ight worrying about the WENUS.(Everyone looks at him, confused.)Rachel: . the WENUS?Chandler: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term.Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh. That WENUS.Joey: So whatre you going to do?Chandler: I dont know. Thats the thing. I dont know what I want to do. I just know Im
9、 not going to figure it out working there.Phoebe: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client. Steve? (pause) Anyway, hes opening up a restaurant and hes looking for a head chef.Monica: (taps Phoebe on her shoulder) Um. hi there.Phoebe: Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Moni
10、ca) Oh, yeah, no, I know. Youre a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandlers the one who needs a job right now, so.Chandler: Yeah. I just dont have that much cheffing experience. Unless its an all-toast restaurant.Phoebe: (to Monicas tapping) Yeah, yeah! Monica: Well, what kind of f
11、ood is he looking for?Phoebe: Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so hes looking for someone who can, you know, create the entire menu.Monica: (excited) Oh my God!Phoebe: Yeah, I know! (turns to Chandler) So, what do you think?Chandler: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just dont really see myself in a big whi
12、te hat.Phoebe: OK. (pause) Oh Monica! Guess what!Scene: Monica and Rachels, Chandler walks in, wearing a suit.Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?Rachel: No. But dont worry, Im sure theyre still there.Phoebe: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?Chandler: Well, I have an appointment to
13、 see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. (pause) I added the a-gogo.Rachel: Career counselor?Chandler: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.Rachel: I dont!Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I dont have a
14、dream.Ross: Ah, the lesser-known I dont have a dream speech.(Monica enters, excited.)Monica: Oh, I love my life, I love my life!Phoebe: Ooh! Brians Song!Rachel: The meeting with the guy went great?Monica: So great! He showed me where the restaurants going to be. Its this, its this cute little place
15、on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?Monica: So anyway, Im cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then y
16、ou can ooh and ahh and make yummy noises.Rachel: What are you going to make?Phoebe: (as though Rachel wasnt paying attention) Yummy noises.Rachel: (pause) And Monica, what are you going to make?Monica: I dont know. I dont know. Its just going to be so great!Phoebe: Ooh! I know what you could make! (
17、runs over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen) I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing. you know, with the stuff? (Monica doesnt know.) You know, that thing. with the stuff.? OK, I dont know. (sits down)Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?Joey: How
18、about Tonys? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, its free.Ross: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if youre not dating a puma?Chandler: Who are you going out with?Phoebe: Oh, is this the bug lady?Rachel: (trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz. I love you, Ross.Ross: Her name is Celia. Shes no
19、t a bug lady. Shes curator of insects at the museum.Rachel: So what are you guys going to do?Ross: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and Id introduce her to my monkey.Chandler: And hes not speaking metaphorically.Joey: (aside to Ross) So. back to
20、 your place.you thinking, maybe. (gestures with hands, back and forth) huh-huh?Ross: Well, I dont know. (gestures) huh-huh. but Im hoping (gestures) huh-huh.Joey: Im telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! Shes going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and itll seal the deal.Scene: R
21、osss apartment, Marcel is hanging from Celias hair, and she is screaming, trying to get him off.Ross: Celia, dont worry! Dont scream! Hes not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel.Celia: I cant stand this! Hes got his claws in my.Ross: Alright. (lifts Marcel away)Scene: Mo
22、nica and Rachels, everyone is there but Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.Monica: (to Joey) OK, try this salmon mousse.Joey: (tasting) Mmmm. Good.Monica: Is it better than the other salmon mousse?Joey: Its creamier.Monica: Yeah, well, is that better?Joey: I dont kn
23、ow. Were talking about whipped fish, Monica. Im just happy Im keeping it down, yknow?(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat.)Rachel: My God! What happened to you?Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests. and wha
24、t do I learn? (he taps the results and reads them) You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation.Phoebe: Thats so great! Cause you already know how to do that!Chandler: Can you believe it? I mean, dont I seem like somebody who should be doing something
25、really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something.something.Rachel: (comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh Chandler, I know, I know. oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt!Monica: (brings a plate of tiny appetizers over) Here you go, maybe thisll cheer you up.Chandl
26、er: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so Id better split this with you.Monica: Its supposed to be that small. Its a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amouz-bouche. Chandler: (tastes it) Well. it is amouz-ing.(Phone rings. Monica answers it.)Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh,
27、 hi Wendy! (Listens) Yeah, eight oclock. (Listens) What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?. (Listens) OK, great. (Listens) All right, Ill see you then. Bye. (hangs up)Phoebe: Ten dollars an hour for what?Monica: Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if shed help me out.Rachel: (hurt) Waitressing?J
28、oey: Uh-oh.Monica: Well. of course I thought of you! But. but.Rachel: But, but?Monica: But, you see, its just. this night has to go just perfect, you know? And, well, Wendys more of a. professional waitress.Rachel: Oh! I see. And Ive sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress
29、in the Olympics.Chandler: You know, I dont mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in 76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)Scene: Ross apartment, Girl, Youll Be A Woman Soon (the original, not that cruddy Urge Overkill version) is playing. Ross and Celia are kissing passionately.C
30、elia: Talk to me.Ross: OK. um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning.Celia: No no no. Talk. dirty.Ross: (embarrassed) Wha. what, here?Celia: Yes.Ross: Ah.Celia: Say something. hot.Ross: (panicked) Er. um. Celia: What?Ross: Um. uh. vulva.Commercial BreakScene: Chandler and Joeys, Joe
31、y and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.Joey: (in disbelief) Vulva?Ross: Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasnt a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling.Joey: (sarcastic) Whoaa! You cuddled? How many times?Ross: Shut up! It was nice. I just. I dont think Im the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?Joey: Whats the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to y
