阅读The man who was almost a man.docx
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阅读The man who was almost a man.docx
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阅读Themanwhowasalmostaman
TheManWhoWasAlmostaMan
RichardWright
Davestruckoutacrossthefields,lookinghomewardthroughpalinglight.Whut’stheuseoftalkingwidemniggersinthefield?
Anyhow,hismotherwasputtingsupperonthetable.Themniggerscan’tunderstannothing.Oneofthesedayshewasgoingtogetagunandpracticeshooting,thentheycouldn’ttalktohimasthoughhewerealittleboy.Heslowed,lookingattheground.Shucks,Ahainscaredathemeveneftheyarebiggernme!
Aw,AhknowwhutAhmado.AhmgoingbyolJoe’sstongitthatSearsRoebuckcatlognlookatthemguns.MebbeMawilllemmebuyonewhenshegitsmahpayfromolmanHawkins.Ahmabeghertgimmesomemoney.Ahmolenoughtohavagun.Ahmseventeen.Almostaman.Hestrode,feelinghislongloose-jointedlimbs.Shucks,amanoughtahavalittlegunaftahhedoneworkedhardallday.
HecameinsightofJoe’sstore.Ayellowlanternglowedonthefrontporch.Hemountedstepsandwentthroughthescreendoor,hearingitbangbehindhim.Therewasastrongsmellofcoaloilandmackerelfish.HefeltveryconfidentuntilhesawfatJoewalkinthroughthereardoor,thenhiscouragebegantoooze.
“Howdy,Dave!
Whutchawant?
”
“Howyuh,MistahJoe?
Aw,Ahdonwanabuynothing.Ahjuswantedtseeefyuhdlemmelookatthacatlogerwhile.”
“Sure!
Youwannaseeithere?
”
“Nawsuh.Ahwansttakeithomewidme.Ah’llbringitbacktermorrowwhenAhcomeinfromthefiels.”
“Youplanningonbuyingsomething?
”
“Yessuh.”
“Yourmalettingyouhaveyourownmoneynow?
”
“Shucks.MistahJoe,Ahmgittintbeamanlikeanybodyelse!
”
Joelaughedandwipedhisgreasywhitefacewitharedbandanna.
“Whutyouplanningonbuyin?
”
Davelookedatthefloor,scratchedhishead,scratchedhisthigh,andsmiled.Thenhelookedupshyly.
“Ah’lltellyuh,MistahJoe,efyuhpromiseyuhwon’ttell.”
“Ipromise.”
“Waal,Ahmabuyagun.”
“Agun?
Whutyouwantwithagun?
”
“Ahwannakeepit.”
“Youain’tnothingbutaboy.Youdon’tneedagun.”
“Aw,lemmehavethecatalog,MistahJoe.Ah’llbringitback.”
Joewalkedthroughthereardoor.Davewaselated.Helookedaroundatbarrelsofsugarandflour.HeheardJoecomingback.Hecranedhisnecktoseeifhewerebringingthebook.Yeah,he’sgotit.Gawddog,he’sgotit!
“Here,butbesureyoubringitback.It’stheonlyoneIgot.”
“Sho,MistahJoe.”
“Say,ifyouwannabuyagun,whydon’tyoubuyonefromme?
Igottaguntosell.”
“Willitshoot?
”
“Sureit’llshoot.”
“Whutkindisit?
”
“Oh,it’skindaold…aleft-handWheeler.Apistol.Abigone.”
“Isitgotbulletsinit?
”
“It’sloaded.”
“KinAhseeit?
”
“Where’syourmoney?
”
“Whutyuhwanferit?
”
“I’llletyouhaveitfortwodollars.”
“Justtwodollahs?
Shucks,AhcouldbuythawhenAhgitmahpay.”
“I’llhaveitherewhenyouwantit.”
“Awright,suh.Ahbeinferit.”
Hewentthroughthedoor,hearingitslamagainbehindhim.AhmagitsomemoneyfromManbuymeagun!
Onlytwodollahs!
Hetuckedthethickcatalogueunderhisarmandhurried.
“Whereyuhbeen,boy?
”Hismotherheldasteamingdishofblack-eyedpeas.
“Aw,Ma,Ahjusstoppeddowntheroadttalkwidtheboys.”
“Yuhknowbettahtkeepsuppahwaitin.”
Hesatdown,restingthecatalogueontheedgeofthetable.
“Yuhgitupfromthereandgittothewellnwashyosef!
Ahainfeedinnohogsinmahhouse!
”
Shegrabbedhisshoulderandpushedhim.Hestumbledoutoftheroom,thencamebacktogetthecatalogue.
“Whutthis?
”
“Aw,Ma,it’sjusacatlog.”
“Whoyuhgititfrom?
”
“FromJoe,downatthesto.”
“Waal,thasgood.Wekinuseitintheouthouse.”
“Naw,Ma.”Hegrabbedforit.“Gimmemacatlog,Ma.”Sheheldontoitandglaredathim.
“Quithollerinatme!
Whut’swrongwidyuh?
Yuhcrazy?
”
“ButMa,please.Itammine!
It’sJoe’s!
Hetolmetbringitbacktimtermorrow.”
Shegaveupthebook.Hestumbleddownthebacksteps,huggingthethickbookunderhisarm.Whenhehadsplashedwateronhisfaceandhands,hegropedbacktothekitchenandfumbledinacornerforthetowel.Hebumpedintoachair;itclatteredtothefloor.Thecataloguesprawledathisfeet.Whenhehaddriedhiseyeshesnatchedupthebookandhelditagainunderhisarm.Hismotherstoodwatchinghim.
“Now,efyuhgonnaactafooloverthatolbook,Ah’lltakeitnburnit
“Naw,Ma,please.”
“Waal,setdownnbestill!
”
Hesatdownanddrewtheoillampclose.Hethumbedpageafterpage,unawareofthefoodhismothersetonthetable.Hisfathercamein.Thenhissmallbrother.
“Whutchagotthere,Dave?
”hisfatherasked.
“Jusacatlog,”heanswered,notlookingup.
“Yeah,heretheyis!
”Hiseyesglowedatblue-and-blackrevolvers.Heglancedup,feelingsuddenguilt.Hisfatherwaswatchinghim.Heeasedthebookunderthetableandresteditonhisknees.Aftertheblessingwasasked,heate.Hescoopeduppeasandswallowedfatmeatwithoutchewing.Buttermilkhelpedtowashitdown.Hedidnotwanttomentionmoneybeforehisfather.Hewoulddomuchbetterbycorneringhismotherwhenshewasalone.Helookedathisfatheruneasilyoutoftheedgeofhiseye.
“Boy,howcomeyuhdonquitfoolinwidthabookneatyosuppah?
”
“Yessuh.”
“HowyounolmanHawkinsgittenerlong?
”
“Can’tyuhhear?
Whydonyuhlissen?
AhastyuhowwuzyuhnolmanHawkinsgittinerlong?
”
“Oh,swell,Pa.Ahplowsmolanthananybodyoverthere.”
“Waal,yuhoughtakeepyoumindonwhutyuhdoin.”
“Yessuh.”
Hepouredhisplatefullofmolassesandsoppeditupslowlywithachunkofcornbread.Whenhisfatherandbrotherhadleftthekitchen,hestillsatandlookedagainatthegunsinthecatalogue,longingtomustercourageenoughtopresenthiscasetohismother.Lawd,efAhonlyhadthaprettyone!
Hecouldalmostfeeltheslicknessoftheweaponwithhisfingers.Ifhehadagunlikethathewouldpolishitandkeepitshiningsoitwouldneverrust.NAh’dkeepitloaded,byGawd!
“Ma?
”Hisvoicewashesitant.
“Hunh?
”
“01manHawkinsgiveyuhmahmoneyyit?
”
“Yeah,butamnousayuhthinkingboutthrowinnonaiterway.Ahmkeepingthamoneysosyuhkinhaveclothestogotoschoolthiswinter.”
Heroseandwenttohersidewiththeopencatalogueinhispalms.Shewaswashingdishes,herheadbentlowoverapan.Shylyheraisedthebook.Whenhespoke,hisvoicewashusky,faint.
“Ma,GawdknowsAhwansoneofthese.”
“Oneofwhut?
”sheasked,notraisinghereyes.
“Oneofthese,”hesaidagain,notdaringeventopoint.Sheglancedupatthepage,thenathimwithwideeyes.
“Nigger,isyuhgoneplumbcrazy?
”
“Aw,Ma—“
“Citouttahere!
Donyuhtalktmeboutnogun!
Yuhafool!
”
“Ma,Ahkinbuyonefertwodollahs.”
“NotefAhknowsit,yuham!
”
“Butyuhpromisedmeone—“
“AhdoncarewhatAhpromised!
Yuhamnothingbutaboyyit!
”
“Ma,efyuhlemmebuyoneAh’llneverastyuhfernothingnomo.”
“Ahtolyuhtgitouttahere!
Yuhamgonnatouchapennyofthamoneyfernogun!
ThashowcomeAhhasMistahHawkinstpayyowagestme,causeAhknowsyuhamgotnosense.”
“But,Ma,weneedagun.Paamgotnogun.Weneedaguninthehouse.Yuhkinnevertellwhutmighthappen.”
“Nowdonyuhtrytomakafoolouttame,boy!
Efwedidhavagun,yuhwouldn’thaveit!
”
Helaidthecataloguedownandslippedhisarmaroundherwaist.
“Aw,Ma,Ahdoneworkedhardallasummernamastyuhfernothing,isAh,now?
”
“Thaswhutyuhsposetdo!
”
“ButMa,Ahwansagun.Yuhkinlemmehavetwodollahsouttamahmoney.Please,Ma.IkingiveittoPa....Please,Ma!
Ahlovesyuh,Ma.”
Whenshespokehervoicecamesoftandlow.
“Whatyuwanwidagun,Dave?
Yuhdonneednogun.Yuh’llgitintrouble.NefyopajusthoughtAhletyuhhavemoneytbuyagunhe’dhavafit.”
“Ah’llhideit,Ma.Itambuttwodollahs.”
“Lawd,chil,whut’swrongwidyuh?
”
“Amnothinwrong.Ma.Ahmalmosamannow.Ahwansagun.”
“Whogonnasellyuhagun?
”
“01Joeatthesto.”
“Nitdoncosbuttwodollahs?
”
“Thasall,Ma.Justwodollahs.Please,Ma.”
Shewasstackingtheplatesaway;herhandsmovedslowly,reflectivelyDavekeptananxioussilence.Finally,sheturnedtohim.
“Ah’llletyuhgitthagunefyuhpromisemeonething.”
“What’stha,Ma?
”
“Yuhbringitstraightbacktme,yuhhear?
ItbeferPa.”
“Yessum!
Lemmegonow,Ma.”
Shestooped,turnedslightlytooneside,raisedthehemofherdress,rolleddownthetopofherstocking,andcameupwithaslenderwadofbills.
“Here,”shesaid.“Lawdknowsyuhdonneednogun.Butyerpadoes.Yuhbringitrightbacktme,yuhhear?
Ahmaputitup.Nowefyuhdon,Ahmahaveyuhpalickyuhsohardyuhwonfergitit.”
“Yessum.”
Hetookthemoney,randownthesteps,andacrosstheyard.
“Dave!
YuuuuuhDaaaaave!
”
Heheard,buthewasnotgoingtostopnow.“Now,Lawd!
”
Thefirstmovementhemadethefollowingmorningwastoreachunderhispillowforthegun.Inthegraylightofdawnhehelditloosely,feelingasenseofpower.Couldkillamanwithagunlikethis.Killanybody,blackorwhite.Andifhewereholdinghisguninhishand,nobodycouldrunoverhim;theywouldhavetorespecthim.Itwasabiggun,withalongbarrelandaheavyhandle.Heraisedandlowereditinhishand,marvelingatitsweight.
Hehadnotcomestraighthomewithitashismotherhadasked;insteadhehadstayedoutinthefields,holdingtheweaponinhishand,aimingitnowandthenatsomeimaginaryfoe.Buthehadnotfiredit;hehadbeenafraidthathisfathermighthear.Alsohewasnotsureheknewhowtofireit.
Toavoidsurrenderingthepistolhehadnotcomeintothehouseuntilheknewthattheywereallasleep.Whenhismotherhadtiptoedtohisbedsidelatethatnightanddemandedthegun,hehadfirstpla
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