The Pimienta Pancakes.docx
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The Pimienta Pancakes.docx
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ThePimientaPancakes
ThePimientaPancakes
WhilewewereroundingupabunchoftheTriangle-OcattleintheFriobottomsaprojectingbranchofadeadmesquitecaughtmywoodenstirrupandgavemyankleawrenchthatlaidmeupincampforaweek.
OnthethirddayofmycompulsoryidlenessIcrawledoutnearthegrubwagon,andreclinedhelplessundertheconversationalfireofJudsonOdom,thecampcook.Judwasamonologistbynature,whomDestiny,withcustomaryblundering,hadsetinaprofessionwhereinhewasbereaved,forthegreaterportionofhistime,ofanaudience.
Therefore,IwasmannainthedesertofJud'sobmutescence.
BetimesIwasstirredbyinvalidlongingsforsomethingtoeatthatdidnotcomeunderthecaptionof"grub."Ihadvisionsofthematernalpantry"deepasfirstlove,andwildwithallregret,"andthenIasked:
"Jud,canyoumakepancakes?
"
Judlaiddownhissix-shooter,withwhichhewaspreparingtopoundanantelopesteak,andstoodovermeinwhatIfelttobeamenacingattitude.Hefurtherendorsedmyimpressionthathisposewasresentfulbyfixinguponmewithhislightblueeyesalookofcoldsuspicion.
"Say,you,"hesaid,withcandid,thoughnotexcessive,choler,"didyoumeanthatstraight,orwasyoutryingtothrowthegaffintome?
Someoftheboysbeentellingyouaboutmeandthatpancakeracket?
"
"No,Jud,"Isaid,sincerely,"Imeantit.ItseemstomeI'dswapmyponyandsaddleforastackofbutteredbrownpancakeswithsomefirstcrop,openkettle,NewOrleanssweetening.Wasthereastoryaboutpancakes?
"
JudwasmollifiedatoncewhenhesawthatIhadnotbeendealinginallusions.HebroughtsomemysteriousbagsandtinboxesfromthegrubwagonandsetthemintheshadeofthehackberrywhereIlayreclined.Iwatchedhimashebegantoarrangethemleisurelyanduntietheirmanystrings.
"No,notastory,"saidJud,asheworked,"butjustthelogicaldisclosuresinthecaseofmeandthatpink-eyedsnoozerfromMiredMuleCanadaandMissWillellaLearight.Idon'tmindtellingyou.
"IwaspunchingthenforoldBillToomey,ontheSanMiguel.OnedayIgetsallensnaredupinaspirationsfortoeatsomecannedgrubthathasn'tevermooedorbaaedorgruntedorbeeninpeckmeasures.So,IgetsonmybroncandpushesthewindforUncleEmsleyTelfair'sstoreatthePimientaCrossingontheNueces.
"AboutthreeintheafternoonIthrowedmybridlereinoveramesquitelimbandwalkedthelasttwentyyardsintoUncleEmsley'sstore.IgotuponthecounterandtoldUncleEmsleythatthesignspointedtothedevastationofthefruitcropoftheworld.InaminuteIhadabagofcrackersandalong-handledspoon,withanopencaneachofapricotsandpineapplesandcherriesandgreengagesbesideofmewithUncleEmsleybusychoppingawaywiththehatchetattheyellowclings.IwasfeelinglikeAdambeforetheapplestampede,andwasdiggingmyspursintothesideofthecounterandworkingwithmytwenty-four-inchspoonwhenIhappenedtolookoutofthewindowintotheyardofUncleEmsley'shouse,whichwasnexttothestore.
"Therewasagirlstandingthere--animportedgirlwithfixingson--philanderingwithacroquetmaulandamusingherselfbywatchingmystyleofencouragingthefruitcanningindustry.
"IslidoffthecounteranddeliveredupmyshoveltoUncleEmsley.
"'That'smyniece,'sayshe;'MissWillellaLearight,downfromPalestineonavisit.DoyouwantthatIshouldmakeyouacquainted?
'
"'TheHolyLand,'Isaystomyself,mythoughtsmillingsomeasItriedtorun'emintothecorral.'Whynot?
TherewassureangelsinPales--Why,yes,UncleEmsley,'Isaysoutloud,'I'dbeawfuledifiedtomeetMissLearight.'
"SoUncleEmsleytookmeoutintheyardandgaveuseachother'sentitlements.
"Ineverwasshyaboutwomen.Inevercouldunderstandwhysomemenwhocanbreakamustangbeforebreakfastandshaveinthedark,getallleft-handedandfullofperspirationandexcuseswhentheyseeaboldofcalicodrapedaroundwhatbelongstoit.InsideofeightminutesmeandMissWillellawasaggravatingthecroquetballsaroundasamiableassecondcousins.ShegavemeadigaboutthequantityofcannedfruitIhadeaten,andIgotbackather,flat-footed,abouthowacertainladynamedEvestartedthefruittroubleinthefirstfree-grasspasture--'OverinPalestine,wasn'tit?
'saysI,aseasyandpatasropingaone-year-old.
"ThatwashowIacquiredcordialityfortheproximitiesofMissWillellaLearight;andthedispositiongrewlargerastimepassed.ShewasstoppingatPimientaCrossingforherhealth,whichwasverygood,andfortheclimate,whichwasfortypercent.hotterthanPalestine.Irodeovertoseeheronceeveryweekforawhile;andthenIfigureditoutthatifIdoubledthenumberoftripsIwouldseehertwiceasoften.
"OneweekIslippedinathirdtrip;andthat'swherethepancakesandthepink-eyedsnoozerbustedintothegame.
"Thatevening,whileIsetonthecounterwithapeachandtwodamsonsinmymouth,IaskedUncleEmsleyhowMissWillellawas.
"'Why,'saysUncleEmsley,'she'sgoneridingwithJacksonBird,thesheepmanfromoveratMiredMuleCanada.'
"Iswallowedthepeachseedandthetwodamsonseeds.IguesssomebodyheldthecounterbythebridlewhileIgotoff;andthenIwalkedoutstraightaheadtillIbuttedagainstthemesquitewheremyroanwastied.
"'She'sgoneriding,'Iwhisperinmybronc'sear,'withBirdstoneJack,thehiredmulefromSheepMan'sCanada.Didyougetthat,oldLeather-and-Gallops?
'
"Thatbroncofminewept,inhisway.He'dbeenraisedacowponyandhedidn'tcareforsnoozers.
"IwentbackandsaidtoUncleEmsley:
'Didyousayasheepman?
'
"'Isaidasheepman,'saysUncleEmsleyagain.'YoumusthaveheardtellofJacksonBird.He'sgoteightsectionsofgrazingandfourthousandheadofthefinestMerinossouthoftheArcticCircle.'
"Iwentoutandsatonthegroundintheshadeofthestoreandleanedagainstapricklypear.IsiftedsandintomybootswithunthinkinghandswhileIsoliloquisedaquantityaboutthisbirdwiththeJacksonplumagetohisname.
"Ineverhadbelievedinharmingsheepmen.Iseeone,oneday,readingaLatingrammaronhossback,andInevertouchedhim!
Theyneverirritatedmeliketheydomostcowmen.Youwouldn'tgotoworknow,andimpairanddisfiguresnoozers,wouldyou,thateatontablesandwearlittleshoesandspeaktoyouonsubjects?
Ihadalwayslet'empass,justasyouwouldajack-rabbit;withapolitewordandaguessabouttheweather,butnostoppingtoswapcanteens.Ineverthoughtitwasworthwhiletobehostilewithasnoozer.AndbecauseI'dbeenlenient,andlet'emlive,herewasonegoingaroundridingwithMissWillellaLearight!
"Anhourbysuntheycomelopingback,andstoppedatUncleEmsley'sgate.Thesheeppersonhelpedheroff;andtheystoodthrowingeachothersentencesallsprightfulandsagaciousforawhile.AndthenthisfeatheredJacksonfliesupinhissaddleandraiseshislittlestewpotofahat,andtrotsoffinthedirectionofhismuttonranch.BythistimeIhadturnedthesandoutofmybootsandunpinnedmyselffromthepricklypear;andbythetimehegetshalfamileoutofPimienta,Isinglefootsupbesidehimonmybronc.
"Isaidthatsnoozerwaspink-eyed,buthewasn't.Hisseeingarrangementwasgreyenough,buthiseye-lasheswaspinkandhishairwassandy,andthatgaveyoutheidea.Sheepman?
--hewasn'tmorethanalambman,anyhow--alittlethingwithhisneckinvolvedinayellowsilkhandkerchief,andshoestiedupinbowknots.
"'Afternoon!
'saysItohim.'YounowridewithaequestrianwhoiscommonlycalledDead-Moral-CertaintyJudson,onaccountofthewayIshoot.WhenIwantastrangertoknowmeIalwaysintroducemyselfbeforethedraw,forIneverdidliketoshakehandswithghosts.'
"'Ah,'sayshe,justlikethat--'Ah,I'mgladtoknowyou,Mr.Judson.I'mJacksonBird,fromoveratMiredMuleRanch.'
"Justthenoneofmyeyessawaroadrunnerskippingdownthehillwithayoungtarantulainhisbill,andtheothereyenoticedarabbit-hawksittingonadeadlimbinawater-elm.Ipoppedoveroneaftertheotherwithmyforty-five,justtoshowhim.'Twooutofthree,'saysI.'BirdsjustnaturallyseemtodrawmyfirewhereverIgo.'
"'Niceshooting,'saysthesheepman,withoutaflutter.'Butdon'tyousometimesevermissthethirdshot?
Elegantfinerainthatwaslastweekfortheyounggrass,Mr.Judson?
'sayshe.
"'Willie,'saysI,ridingoverclosetohispalfrey,'yourinfatuatedparentsmayhavedenouncedyoubythenameofJackson,butyousuremoultedintoatwitteringWillie--letussloughoffthishereanalysisofrainandtheelements,andgetdowntotalkthatisoutsidethevocabularyofparrots.ThatisabadhabityouhavegotofridingwithyoungladiesoveratPimienta.I'veknownbirds,'saysI,'tobeservedontoastforlessthanthat.MissWillella,'saysI,'don'teverwantanynestmadeoutofsheep'swoolbyatomtitoftheJacksonianbranchofornithology.Now,areyougoingtoquit,ordoyouwishfortogallopupagainstthisDead-Moral-Certaintyattachmenttomyname,whichisgoodfortwohyphensandatleastonesetoffuneralobsequies?
'
"JacksonBirdflushedupsome,andthenhelaughed.
"'Why,Mr.Judson,'sayshe,'you'vegotthewrongidea.I'vecalledonMissLearightafewtimes;butnotforthepurposeyouimagine.Myobjectispurelyagastronomicalone.'
"Ireachedformygun.
"'Anycoyote,'saysI,'thatwouldboastofdishonourable--'
"'Waitaminute,'saysthisBird,'tillIexplain.WhatwouldIdowithawife?
Ifyoueversawthatranchofmine!
Idomyowncookingandmending.Eating--that'sallthepleasureIgetoutofsheepraising.Mr.Judson,
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