aperfectdayforbananafish.docx
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aperfectdayforbananafish.docx
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aperfectdayforbananafish
APerfectDayforBananafish
ByJ.D.Salinger
Therewereninety-sevenNewYorkadvertisingmeninthehotel,and,thewaytheyweremonopolizingthelong-distancelines,thegirlin507hadtowaitfromnoontillalmosttwo-thirtytogethercallthrough.Sheusedthetime,though.Shereadanarticleinawomen'spocket-sizemagazine,called"SexIsFun-orHell."Shewashedherbandbrush.Shetookthespotoutoftheskirtofherbeigesuit.ShemovedthebuttononherSaksblouse.Shetweezedouttwofreshlysurfacedhairsinhermole.Whentheoperatorfinallyrangherroom,shewassittingonthewindowseatandhadalmostfinishedputtinglacqueronthenailsofherlefthand.
Shewasagirlwhoforaringingphonedroppedexactlynothing.Shelookedasifherphonehadbeenringingcontinuallyeversinceshehadreachedpuberty.
Withherlittlelacquerbrush,whilethephonewasringing,shewentoverthenailofherlittlefinger,accentuatingthelineofthemoon.Shethenreplacedthecaponthebottleoflacquerand,standingup,passedherleft—thewet—handbackandforth
throughtheair.Withherdryhand,shepickedupacongestedashtrayfromthewindowseatandcarrieditwithherovertothenighttable,onwhichthephonestood.Shesatdownononeofthemade-uptwinbedsand—itwasthefifthorsixthring—picked
upthephone.
"Hello,"shesaid,keepingthefingersofherlefthandoutstretchedandawayfromherwhitesilkdressinggown,whichwasallthatshewaswearing,exceptmules—herrings
wereinthebathroom.
"IhaveyourcalltoNewYorknow,Mrs.Glass,"theoperatorsaid.
"Thankyou,"saidthegirl,andmaderoomonthenighttablefortheashtray.
Awoman'svoicecamethrough."Muriel?
Isthatyou?
"
Thegirlturnedthereceiverslightlyawayfromherear."Yes,Mother.Howareyou?
"shesaid.
"I'vebeenworriedtodeathaboutyou.Whyhaven'tyouphoned?
Areyouallright?
"
"Itriedtogetyoulastnightandthenightbefore.Thephonehere'sbeen—."
"Areyouallright,Muriel?
"
Thegirlincreasedtheanglebetweenthereceiverandherear."I'mfine.I'mhot.
Thisisthehottestdaythey'vehadinFloridain--."
"Whyhaven'tyoucalledme?
I'vebeenworriedto--."
"Mother,darling,don'tyellatme.Icanhearyoubeautifully,"saidthegirl.Icalledyoutwicelastnight.Oncejustafter--."
Itoldyourfatheryou'dprobablycalllastnight.But,no,hehadto-Areyouall
rightMuriel?
Tellmethetruth."
"I'mfine.Stopaskingmethat,please."
"Whendidyougetthere?
"
"Idon'tknow.Wednesdaymorning,early."
"Whodrove?
"
"Hedid,"saidthegirl."Anddon'tgetexcited.Hedroveverynicely.Iwasamazed."
"Hedrove?
Muriel,yougavemeyourwordof-."
"Mother,"thegirlinterrupted,"Ijusttoldyou.Hedroveverynicely.Underfifty
thewholeway,asamatteroffact."
"Didhetryanyofthatfunnybusinesswiththetrees?
"
"Isaidhedroveverynicely,Mother.Now,please.Iaskedhimtostayclosetothewhiteline,andall,andheknewwhatImeant,andhedid.Hewaseventryingnottolookatthetrees-youcouldtell.DidDaddygetthecarfixed,incidentally?
"Notyet.Theywantfourhundreddollars,justto--."
"Mother,SeymourtoldDaddythathe'dpayforit.There'snoreasonfor--."
"Well,wellsee.Howdidhebehave—inthecarandall?
"
"Allright,"saidthegirl.
"Didhekeepcallingyouthatawful--."
"No.Hehassomethingnewnow."
"What?
"
"Oh,what'sthedifference,Mother?
"Muriel,Iwanttoknow.Yourfather--."
"Allright,allright.HecallsmeMissSpiritualTrampof1948,"thegirlsaid,andgiggled.
"Itisn'tfunny,Muriel.Itisn'tfunnyatall.It'shorrible.It'ssad,actually.WhenIthinkhow--"
"Mother,"thegirlinterrupted,"listentome.Yourememberthatbookhesentmefrom
Germany?
Youknow,thoseGermanpoems.What'dIdowithit?
I'vebeenrackingmy-."
"Youhaveit."
‘Areyousure?
"saidthegirl.
"Certainly.Thatis,Ihaveit.It'sinFreddy'sroom.YouleftithereandIdidn'thaveroomforitinthe—Why?
Doeshewantit?
"
"No.Only,heaskedmeaboutit,whenweweredrivingdown.HewantedtoknowifI'dreadit."
"ItwasinGerman!
"
"Yes,dear.Thatdoesn'tmakeanydifference,"saidthegirl,crossingherlegs."He
saidthatthepoemshappentobewrittenbytheonlygreatpoetofthecentury.HesaidIshould'veboughtatranslationorsomething.Orlearnedthelanguage,ifyouplease."
"Awful.Awful.It'ssad,actually,iswhatitis.Yourfathersaidlastnight—."
"Justasecond,Mother,"thegirlsaid.Shewentovertothewindowseatforher
cigarettes,litone,andreturnedtoherseatonthebed."Mother",shesaid,exhalingsmoke.
"Muriel.Now,listentome."
"I'mlistening."
"YourfathertalkedtoDr.Sivetski."
"Oh?
"saidthegirl.
"Hetoldhimeverything.Atleast,hesaidhedid—youknowyourfather.Thetrees.
Thatbusinesswiththewindow.ThosehorriblethingshesaidtoGrannyaboutherplansforpassingaway.WhathedidwithallthoselovelypicturesfromBermuda—everything."
"Well?
"saidthegirl.
"Well.Inthefirstplace,hesaiditwasaperfectcrimetheArmyreleasedhimfrom
thehospital—mywordofhonor.Heverydefinitelytoldyourfatherthere'sachanee
-averygreatchanee,hesaid,thatSeymourmaypletelyloseeontrolofhimself.My
wordofhonor."
"There'sapsychiatristhereatthehotel,"saidthegirl.
"Who?
What'shisname?
"
"Idon'tknow.Rieserorsomething.He'ssupposedtobeverygood."
"Neverheardofhim."
Well,he'ssupposedtobeverygood,anyway."
"Muriel,don'tbefresh,please.We'reveryworriedaboutyou.Yourfatherwanted
towireyoulastnighttoehome,asamatteroff—."
"I'mnotinghomerightnow,Mother.Sorelax."
"Muriel.Mywordofhonor.Dr.SivetskisaidSeymourmaypletelylosecontr—."
‘Ijustgothere,Mother.ThisisthefirstvacationI'vehadinyears,andI'mnot
goingtojustpackeverythingandehome,"saidthegirl."Icouldn'ttravelnowanyway.I'msosunburnedIcanhardlymove."
"You'rebadlysunburned?
Didn'tyouusethatfarofBronzeIputinyourbag?
Iput
itright—."
"Iusedit.I'mburnedanyway."
"That'sterrible.Whereareyouburned?
"
"Allover,dear,allover."
"That'sterrible."
"I'lllive."
"Tellme,didyoutalktothispsychiatrist?
'
"Well,sortof,"saidthegirl.
"What'dhesay?
WherewasSeymourwhenyoutalkedtohim?
"
"IntheOceanRoom,playingthepiano.He'splayedthepianobothnightswe'vebeen
here."
"Well,what'dhesay?
"
"Oh.Nothingmuch.Hespoketomefirst.IwassittingnexttohimatBingolastnight,andheaskedmeifthatwasn'tmyhusbandplayingthepianointheotherroom.Isaid
yes,itwas,andheaskedmeifSeymour'sbeensickorsomething.SoIsaid—"
"Why'dheaskthat?
"
"Idon'tknow,Mother.Iguessbecausehe'ssopaleandall,"saidthegirl."Anyway,afterBingoheandhiswifeaskedmeifIwouldn'tliketojointhemforadrink.So
Idid.Hiswifewashorrible.YourememberthatawfuldinnerdresswesawinBonwit'
swindow?
Theoneyousaidyou'dhavetohaveatiny,tiny—."
"Thegreen?
"
"Shehaditon.Andallhips.ShekeptaskingmeifSeymour'srelatedtothatSuzanne
GlassthathasthatplaceonMadisonAvenue-themillinery."
"What'dhesay,though?
Thedoctor."
"Oh.Well,nothingmuch,really.Imeanwewereinthebarandall.Itwasterribly
noisy."
"Yes,butdid-didyoutellhimwhathetriedtodowithGranny'schair?
"
"No,Mother.Ididn'tgointodetailsverymuch,"saidthegirl."I'IIprobablygetachancetotalktohimagain.He'sinthebaralldaylong."
"Didhesayhethoughttherewasachancehemightget-youknow-funnyoranything?
Dosomethingtoyou!
"
"Notexactly,"saidthegirl."Hehadtohavemorefacts,Mother.Theyhavetoknow
aboutyourchildhood-allthatstuff.Itoldyou,wecouldhardlytalk,itwassonoisyinthere."
"Well.How'syourbluecoat?
"
"Allright.Ihadsomeofthepaddingtakenout."
"Howaretheclothesthisyear?
"
"Terrible.Butoutofthisworld.Youseesequins-everything,"saidthegirl.
"How'syourroom?
"
"Allright.Justallright,though.Wecouldn'tgettheroomwehadbeforethewar,"
saidthegirl."Thepeopleareawfulthisyear.Youshouldseewhatsitsnexttousinthediningroom.Atthenexttable.Theylookasiftheydrovedowninatruck."
‘Well,it'sthatwayallover.How'syourballerina?
"
"It'stoolong.Itoldyouitwastoolong."
"Muriel,I'monlygoingtoaskyouoncemore-areyoureallyallright?
"
"Yes,Mother,"saidthegirl."Fortheninetiethtime."
"Andyoudon'twanttoehome?
"
"No,Mother."
"Yourfathersaidlastnightthathe'dbemorethanwillingtopayforitifyou
dgoawaysomeplacebyyourselfandthinkthingsover.Youcouldtakealovelycruise.Weboththought-."
"No,thanks,"saidthegirl,anduncrossedherlegs."Mother,thiscalliscostinga
for-"
"WhenIthinkofhowyouwaitedforthatboyallthroughthewar-Imeanwhenyouthinkofallthosecrazylittlewiveswho—."
"Whereishe?
""Onthebeach."
"Onthebeach?
Byhimself?
Doeshebehavehimselfonthebeach?
"
"Mother,"saidthegirl,"youtalkabouthimasthoughhewerearavingmaniac-"
"Isaidnothingofthekind,Muriel."
"Well,yousoundthatway.Imeanallhedoesisliethere.Hewon'ttakehisbathrobeoff."
"Hewon'ttakehisbathrobeoff?
Whynot?
"
"Idon'tknow.Iguessbecausehe'ssopale."
"Mygoodness,heneedsthesun.Can'tyoumakehim?
"
"YouknowSeymour,"saidthegirl,andcrossedherlegsagain."Hesayshedoesn'twantalotoffoolslookingathistattoo."
"Hed
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