SOUTH PARK1010Word文件下载.docx
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SOUTH PARK1010Word文件下载.docx
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MATTSTONEviaCOMEDYCENTRALandCOMEDYPARTNERSinassociationwithIMPORTANTTELEVISION.Thistranscriptispostedherewithouttheirpermission,approval,authorizationorendorsement.Anyreproduction,duplication,distributionordisplayofthismaterialinanyformorbyanymeansisexpresslyprohibited.Itisabsolutelyforbiddentouseitforcommercialgain.Forentertainmentandeducationalpurposesonly.Noinfringementintended.
SUMMARY:
CartmanisappointedtothepostofSchoolHallwayMonitoratSouthParkElementary.Inhisnewrole,Cartmantakesitpersonallywhenaninfractioniscommittedinhisjurisdiction.WhenKylediscoversthatateacherishavingsexwithastudent,heandCartmanhavetoteamuptoputastoptotheinappropriatebehavior.
TRANSCRIPT:
[SouthParkElementary,day,schoolhall.Thebellringsandthestudentsgototheirlockers.StanandKyleputsomebooksawayasCartmansharesanencounterwithKennyandtheothertwo.]
Cartman:
Andsothen,Iputmyfingerupmybutthole,right?
AndIwalkeduptoKellyNelson,andIsaid,"
Doyousmelllemongrrass?
andshesmelledmyfingerandpuked!
Hehehehe.Oh,guys,youshouldhavebeenthere.
AHallMonitor:
[aginger,hetapsonCartman'
srightshoulder]Eric,Ihavetotakeyoutotheprincipal'
soffice.
What?
Ididn'
tdoit,KellyNelson'
saliar!
HallMonitor:
I'
vebeeninstructedtobringyoutotheprincipal'
Oh,suckmyballsyougingerJewrathallmonitor!
Punkassstoolie,whothefuckdoyouthinkyouare?
!
mjustdoin'
myjob.
[tauntingandjabbingathim]I'
mjuhduhduhduhhh!
Doyouknowwhyyou'
reahallwaymonitor?
Becauseyoudon'
thaveanyfriends!
Youshouldkillyourself!
PrincipalVictoria:
EricCartman,reporttotheprincipal'
sofficeimmediately.
AwGoddamnit!
[Theprincipal'
soffice,momentslater.Aknockisheardatthedoor.]
Comeonin,Eric.[Cartmanandthehallmonitorenter]
[apologizes,butinablas?
fashion]I'
msorry,PrincipalVictoria.Ididn'
tmeantodoit,howcouldIhavebeensofoolish?
Eric,thereasonwecalledyouinhereisbecauseitisyourturntobetheschoolhallwaymonitor.[theformerhallmonitorremoveshisbeltandsashandpreparestogivethemtoCartman]
Thehallmonit-me?
Mr.Mackey:
Youneedtowatchforbadbehavior,andmakesureanyoneinthehallsduringclasshassahallpass.M'
kay?
[Cartmanreceivesthesashandtheformerhallmonitorleaves]
Ifanyonedoesn'
t,youhavetheauthoritytobringthemtome.
[incredulous]Auth-authoritih?
NowEric,beingtheschoolhallywaymonitorisabigresponsibility.M'
Itisimportantthatyoutakethejobseriously,andthatyoudon'
tabusethepower.
Ahem.Me?
[Amontage.Firstsceneistheschoolhall.CartmanpopsupdressedasDogtheBountyHunter.Hewalksaroundandstrikesafewposes.HepocketsacanofBearSprayintoitsholster,makessurehehashandcuffs,thenresetshisfakefacialhair.Next,hepretendshe'
sdrivingarealcar.Backatschool,hewalksintoviewandstrikesonemoredramaticpose,thenthePOVchangesandhe'
swalkingtowardsthecamera.OnemorescenehashimturningthesteeringwheelofanSUV.]
There'
sfearanddarknessallaroundyou
Thecriminalsareontherun
Nouseinnothavingyourhallpass
lltakeyoutotheprincipal'
causeI'
mtheDawg
IamtheDawg,thebigbadDawg
TheHallwayMonitor!
[laughsuntilahandappearsandknocksonthedriver'
swindow.]
CarSalesman:
[opensthedoor]Hey,kid,getouttathere.
That'
scool.I'
mdonemakingmyvideoanyways.[leaves.Thevideoshootresumesatschool.Cartmanisonthejobwhenheturnsaroundandseessomeoneelseinthehall.Hestrikesadramaticposeandyells]Hallpass!
Showmeyourhallpass!
Boy:
[shovestheboyintothelockersandwhipsouttheBearSpray]Youknowwhatthisis?
Thisisthemacethattheyuseonbears,faggot!
Nowletmeseeyourhallpass!
It'
srighthere.[reachesintohispocketandpullsitouttoshowhim]
[releasestheboy]Allright,cool,brah.GowithChrist.[turnsrightandwalksaway.Theboyisn'
tquitefinished]
Youcan'
tjustpushmeupagainstthe-
[kickstheboyaway]Argh!
[fliesoutofview]Aah!
[marcheson]IamtheDawg,thebigbad-[stops]OhmyGod!
[seesawadofpaperonthefloor,runsuptopickitupandchecksitout]Whatthefuckisthis?
[Kindergarten.Thekindergartners'
newteacherisshownteachingthemaboutshapes.She'
sdrawnacircleandisnowdrawingasquare]
Teacher:
Andsothisshapewithfoursidesiswhat,class?
[burstsintotheclassroom]Boyarrrgh!
[everyoneturnstoseewhoitis.CartmanwalksuptoIke]IkeBroflovski!
Youlitteringmyhallway,brah?
Whatareyoudoing?
Ifoundthisinthehallway.[unfoldsthewadofpaper-it'
sadrawingIkemadeofhisteacherwithheartsallaroundher]ApparentlyyourstudentIkehasacrushonyou.[Ikelooksaroundnervously]Yougotacrushonyourteacher,brah?
Keepitoutofmyhallway!
GowithChrist.Hereyougo.[handsthedrawingtotheteacherandheadsforthedoor]
Idon'
tthinkthat'
sreallynecessary.
Hey!
Idon'
ttellyouhowtorunyourclass,don'
ttellmehowtorunmyhallway!
[leavesandclosesthedoor]
Fillmore:
Ikehasacrushonteacher!
Class:
[theclasslaughs]
senough,class!
[theperiodendsandtheteacherbeginserasingthechalkboard]Okay,wellseeyoutomorrow,everybody.Ike,couldyoustayjustafewminutes,please?
[Fillmoretakeshiscrayongandleaves.TheteachermovestowardsIke]Ike,I'
mveryflattered,byallofyourlovenotes,butIneedtobeclear.See,there'
vebeenalotoffemaleteachersonthenewslatelywhohavebeenhavingrelationshipswithyoungmalestudentsand,peoplemightgetthewrongidea,eventhough...Idoadmireyou.Youaresosmartandgifted.Soomatureforyourage.
Ike:
tlikeMason.
Youlisten,andyoureallycareaboutwhatIhavetosay.YoumakemefeelthingsI'
venever...[reachesouttoIkeandtoucheshisrighthand]feltbefore.[sheandIkeholdhands,butsheletsgoandleavesherseat]Ike,thisiscrazy.I'
myourteacher.Howcanwebehavignthesefeelingsforeachother?
[turnsaroundandfaceshim]You'
resomysterious,andIcan'
t...andIcan'
t...[beginstoswoon.Amontagefollows]
[SheandIkerubnosesasaheartframesthem.Theirshadowsrushupandhugeachother,thentwirlaroundtogetherasheartspulsateoutward.Theyholdhadnsagain.Shetakeshimouttodinnerandchattersaway.Shetakeshimouttoice-skateataskatingrink.Shetakeshimouttoadinnerpicnicbeforeasettingsun-theysharewineandcheese.Shetakeshimoutforarideonaduckboat-shedoesthedriving.Shehasanartistdrawapictureofthem.Theyhopontoamerry-go-roundandgetonhorses-sheblowsakissathimthere.ShetakeshimhomeandwatchesTVwithhim]
REOSpeedwagon:
AndIcan'
tfightthisfeelin'
anymore
veforgottenwhatIstartedfightin'
for
AndifIhavetocrawluponthefloor
Comecrashin'
throughyourdoor
Baby,Icantfightthisfeelin'
anymore
[thelastsceneisthetwoofthemunderthecovers-lookslikeshewashavingfun]
Thatwasunbelievable.I'
veneverfeltlikesuchawomanbefore.They'
llsayourloveiswrong,butwecan'
tletanybodyknow;
they'
llneverunderstand.[rollstoherrightandstartsmassagingIketenderly]Weweremeanttobe,Iknowit.Howelsecouldsexbethatincredible?
[laysbackdown]
[oops]Ikemadeanuno.
[Theboy'
sroomatSouthParkElementary.Buttersrushesinandtowardstheurinal.Onceinplace,hesetshishallpassaside,dropshispants,raiseshisshirt,andletsfly]
Butters:
Heythere,Mr.Wiener,whattayaknow?
Doyaneedtotinkletinkle?
[falsetto]YesIdothinkso.
[burstsintotherestroom.Buttersisstartled]Hands?
Letmeseethosehands!
[backsoff]Haaaah!
[advances]Where'
syourpass?
Showmeyourhallpass,brah!
[looksaroundfranticallyforit]It'
s,it'
s...Ijusthadit!
[keepslooking,butCartmangrabshim...]
Iknewit!
[...slamshisheadagainstatoiletstall,thentosseshimtothefloor,cuffshim,andescortshimoutoftherestroom.Buttersdoesn'
tgetachancetopullhispantsup.ThehallpassremainsonthesinkwhereButtersleftit.]
[Thewaitingroomoutsidetheprincipaloffice,momentslater.CartmanandButterswaitonthebenchoutside,andButtersstillhashispantsaroundhisankles]
Look,brah,Ihadtobringyouin,butIdon'
thaveanyhardfeelin'
sagainstyouallright?
Huh?
Here,youneedasmoke,brah?
Uhh,okay.[CartmanputsacigaretteintoButters'
mouth,thenlightsitforhim]
You'
vegottagiveyourselfovert
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