South Park401.docx
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South Park401.docx
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SouthPark401
SouthPark
4.01-TheToothFairy'sTats2000
[TheCartmanhouse.Lianeissippinghercoffeeonthesofa.ShelowersitasCartmanscreams]
Cartman:
Mom!
MOOOM!
Mom!
[racesdownthestairsinpajamas,capandcoatintherighthandandtwodollarsintheleftone,andstopsatLiane'sfeet]Seriously!
Somethingwonderfulhashappened!
Liane:
Whatisit,snookums?
Cartman:
Mom,look!
Thetoothfairy!
Iputatoothundermypillow,andshegavemetwodollars!
[showsthemoff]She'sonlygivenmealousyquarterbefore!
Liane:
Ohmy!
Shemustthinkthatyouareaveryspeciallittlemuffin.
Cartman:
[hopsontothesofa]Yeah!
Thisissotits!
Liane:
Don'tsay"tits,"Eric.
Cartman:
Oh,Imean,thisissocool!
Liane:
Well,then,nowyoushouldtakethatmoneyandopenupasavingsaccountthathascompoundeddailyinterest.
Cartman:
Heh,youcancompounddailymyasswithinterest,Mom;I'mgoin'tothetoystoreandbuymeaskateboard!
[donshiscoat]
Liane:
ButEric,Ithinkmaybethetoothfairywantsyoutousethatmoneytolearnaboutsaving.
Cartman:
Mom,youdon'tknowwhatthetoothfairywantsmetodowiththismoney,okay?
You'renotthetoothfairy!
I'llseeyoulater!
[turnsandwalksout]Aw,man,thisissotits!
[Thebusstop.Stan,KyleandKennystandaround]
Cartman:
[offcamera,heardrunningup]Heyyouguys!
You'renotgonnabelievethis!
[StanandKylelookateachother,thenatCartman]OhmyGod,youguys,seriously!
[runsaroundthem]Justwaituntilyouhearthis,youguys!
I'mrich!
I'mtotallyrich!
[turnstofacethem]Aren'tyoustoked?
!
Stan:
Whatthehell'swrongwithCartman?
!
Kyle:
He'sfatandhe'sstupid?
Cartman:
[pants,then]Lookwhatthetoothfairyleftmelastnight!
[presentsthetwodollars]
Stan:
Twodollars!
Kyle:
Noway!
Stan:
Foronetooth?
Cartman:
Foronetooth.
Stan:
Dude,everytimeIlostatoothIonlygotaquarter.
Kyle:
Ionlygotajarofgifeltefish.
Cartman:
Well,thatdoesn'tmatter,becauseIhaveanideathatistotallytits.
Kyle:
匱otallywhat?
Cartman:
Look,Idon'tknowwhythetoothfairy'sbeingsocooltome.Maybeshe'shotforme.Idon'tknow,butifweallchipinwithteeth,thenIcanhidethemundermypillowandwecouldgetenoughmoneytobuya[stretchesthewords]SegaDreamcast.
Stan,Kyle,Kenny:
SegaDreamcast?
?
Cartman:
Allweneedisteeth.
Stan:
Ialreadylostallmybabyteeth.
Kyle:
Metoo.[Kennysaysnothing,sotheotherslookathim]
Kenny:
[covershismouth](Nuh-uh.)
Kyle:
Youstillhavebabyteeth,Kenny?
Kenny:
(Noway!
)
Cartman:
[movestoKenny'sside]Kenny,thinkaboutit.Don'tyouwanta[stretchesthewords]SegaDreamcast?
Kenny:
[punctuates](NoIdon't!
Thankyou.)
Cartman:
[ignoringtheanswer]Alright!
Kenny'sin,youguys!
Tits!
[Theschoolyard.StantiesKennytoatetherballpole.Thestringleadsofftotheright]
Stan:
Okay,thestringistiedtoKenny'stooth.Youreadyoverthere?
Kyle:
[attheotherend,tyingthestringtoawheelchair]Almost.Youready,Timmy?
Timmy:
[theboyinthewheelchair]Timmiihh!
Kyle:
WhenIsay"go,"youslamyourelectricwheelchairintohighgear.Okay,Timmy?
Timmy:
Timmiihh!
Kyle:
Right.You'reTimmy.
Timmy:
Timmiihh!
Lemmeouttaheah!
Kenny:
(Whythefuckdoesithavetobemytooth?
)
Cartman:
I'lltellyouwhyithastobeyou,Kenny:
becauseyourfamilyispoor,andthereforehasbadoralhygiene,soyourteetharegonnafalloutsomeday,anyway.Ifyouthinkaboutit,youshouldactuallybethankingus.[tugsonKenny'shood]"Oh,thankyou,guys."You'rewelcome,Kenny.
Kenny:
[punctuates](Fuckyou!
)
Kyle:
Alright!
Getready,Timmy.
Timmy:
Timmiihh!
Butters:
[walksup]Heh-heyguys,uh,wu-whatareyoudoin'?
Stan:
Whatdoesitlooklikewe'redoing,Butters?
Weneedatooth,sowe'reusingTimmy'swheelchairtopulloutoneofKenny's.
Butters:
Oh.Heh,Igotaloosetoothrighthere.[drawsitfromhispocket]
Stan,Cartman:
Youwhat?
Kenny:
(Youwhat?
)
Timmy:
Timmih-
Butters:
Yyep.Oo-oneofminecameoutnottwohoursago.
Stan:
Uh,Butters,couldwehaveit?
Butters:
Wwell,heckno!
Uhyoucan'thaveit.Why,I'mgonnastickitunder-mypillowandgetmoneyfromthetoothfairy.Shegivesmefiftycentsatooth.
Timmy:
Ha-a-ugh.
Butters:
Well,uh,seeya,fellas.[walksaway]
Kyle:
[walksuptoStan]Dude,maybewedon'thavetoripatoothoutofKenny'smouth.
Stan:
Yeah,wejusthavetogetButters'tooth.
Kenny:
(Woohoo!
)
Cartman:
Howarewegonnagetitfromhim?
Stan:
Iguesswe'llhavetosneakintohishouseafterhegoestosleeptonight.
Kyle:
Yeah,let'sgo.[thegroupbeginstomovewhen]
Timmy:
Go!
Timmygo!
[revsup,pullingKenny]Yeah,Timmy!
[drivesuntilherunsoutofstring,thenisjerkedback]
Kyle:
No,Timmy,wait!
Timmy:
EnghgouhTimmy!
[thestringgoestaut,andKenny'sfaceprotrudesfromhishood]
Kenny:
(Hey,guys!
)[yankedfromhissuitintotheair](Heey-ungh)[landsnakedinfrontofCartman](Oowww.)
Cartman:
Hahahahahaha.Hey,youguys,IcanseeKenny'spengling,hahahahahaha.
Timmy:
Hu-aah!
[Ahouse,night.Buttersisasleepinhisroom.ApolerisesoutsidewithagrinningCartmandressedasatoothfairydanglingfromit]
Cartman:
Higher,youguys.
Stan:
[strugglingwiththepolewithKyleandKenny]JesusChrist,whydidwepickthefatguytoliftupinthere?
Cartman:
[bumpsintothewindow]Agh!
Careful,youassholes!
[opensthewindow]Totheleft,youguys,left.[ismovedtohisleft]No,cameraleft,cameraleft!
[ismovedintheotherdirection,towardsButters'head]That'sit,nowdown.[islowered,thenreachesforthepillow]
Butters:
[wakesup]Whatthe-?
[rubshiseyes]Who'sthere?
Whoisthat?
!
Cartman:
[infalsetto]Iamthetoothfairy,mychild.
Butters:
Hoh.Sorry,MissFairy.Ididn'tmeantogazeatyou.I'mbacktosleepnow,see?
[squeezeshiseyelidsshut]
Cartman:
Sure.NowIwillleaveyoutidingsunderyourpillow.[reachesunderandgrabsButters'tooth,thenbeholdsthetreasure.HethenplacessomemoneyunderthepillowasButterssneaksapeek.]
Butters:
[asCartmanwithdraws]Well,ohgosh,I,Ididn'tthinkyou'dbesofat.
Cartman:
Ey!
Kyle:
Comeon,fatass!
Cartman:
Donotopenyoureyesuntilmorning.[Buttershasthenshutrealtight;Cartmantugsintheropeandispulledoutoftheroom]OrelseIwillkickyouinthenuts.[dropsdown]Squareinthenuts.
Butters:
Yuh,yu-yesma'am!
Stan:
Well?
Cartman:
Bull'seye!
[Cartman'shouse,later.He'sbeingtuckedinbed]
Liane:
Tuckytuckytime,it'sthebesttimeofthenight.
Cartman:
Ilovethatsong,Mom.Singitagain.
Liane:
No,honey,Mommy'sgottasaveherthroat.Ihavetoworktonight.
Cartman:
Okay.
Liane:
Goodnight.[headsforthedoor.Cartmansettlesinandisabouttoplacethetoothunderthepillow]Whatdoyouhavethere,Eric?
Cartman:
Anothertoothfellouttoday;I'mleavin'itforthetoothfairy.
Liane:
Oh,my.Thetoothfairywillhavetogiveyouabigsurpriseforlosingtwoteethintwodays.
Cartman:
Iknow,huh?
[Thebusstop,nextmorning.Stan,Kyle,andKennyarethere]
Cartman:
Youguys!
OhmyGod,youguys!
You'renotgonnabelieveit!
It'sbeyondrationalthought,youguys!
[runsaroundthemcounterclockwise]Holycrap,youguys!
Imean-
Kyle:
Didthetoothfairycome?
Cartman:
Fourdollars.[theotherthreeansweratthesametime]
Stan:
OhmyGod!
Kyle:
Fourdollars?
Kenny:
(Oh,myGod!
)
Cartman:
Doyouwhatthismeans?
Stan:
Yeah.Wejustgottakeepfindingteethandputtingthemunderyourpillow.[heandKylegrin]
[Dentistoffice,somedayslater.Aphonerings]
ADentist:
[answering]Dentistoffice.
Liane:
Oh.Eh-hello,Dr.Roberts?
It'sMs.Cartman.
Dr.Roberts:
Oh,yes,Ms.Cartman.WhatcanIdoforyou?
Liane:
Well,it'smyson.He'slostalotofhisbabyteeth,andIwasstartingtogetworried.
Dr.Roberts:
Well,losingbabyteethisanaturalthing,Ms.Cartman.Howmanyhashelost?
Liane:
Aboutahundredandtwelve.
Dr.Roberts:
匒hundredandtwelve.
Liane:
Yes.Fifteenoftheminonenight.Perhapsheshouldswitchtoothpaste?
Dr.Roberts:
Yoursonwouldn'thappentobean"alligator,"wouldhe?
No?
Hm,Isee.Well,I'mafraidIcan'thelpyourightnow.TheAmericanDentalAssociationconventionisthisweek,but,assoonasIgetback,I'lllookintoit.
Liane:
O-oh,thankyou.Freebienextweek.[hangsup]
Dr.Roberts:
What?
[Cartman'sroom,dawn.Herisesandthrowshispillowsoffthebed]
Cartman:
Tih-[thetoothheplacedunderhispillowisstillthere]Tooth?
[picksitupandlooksatitindisbelief]Whatthehell?
Mom!
Liane:
[rushesin]Yes,Eric
Cartman:
Youknow,thetoothfairyforgottobringmemoneylastnight!
Callthepolice!
Liane:
Oh.Eric,poopie,sitdown.[Cartmansits]Mommyhassomethingtotellyou.It'sjustthat-well,thereisnotoothfairy,Eric.I'vebeenputtingallthatmoneyunderyourpillow,andbecauseyougotsomanyteethfallout,I'veactuallyrunoutofmoneyandcan'tgotothegrocerystoreforatleastamonth.
Cartman:
[laughs]Youalmosthadmeforasecondthere,Mom,heh."There'snotoothfairy."Isupposeyou'regonnatellmethere'snoSantaClaus,EasterBunny,orJesus,either,heh,heh?
[motherandsonsitsilentlyforawhile]M-Mom?
Liane:
I'msorry,Eric.Allchildrenfindoutsoonerorlater.
Cartman:
Yi-you'reserioushere.Therereallyisnotoothfairy?
Liane:
No,honey.It'sjust-
Cartman:
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