friends 808.docx
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friends 808.docx
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friends808
808-TheOneWithTheStripper
________________________________________________________________________
Writtenby:
AndrewReichandTedCohen
Transcribedby:
JeanLiew
________________________________________________________________________
[Scene:
CentralPerk.They’reallthereexceptforRoss.RachelwalksuptoPhoebe.]
Rachel:
HeyPheebs.
Phoebe:
Huh?
Rachel:
I’mhavingdinnerwithmydadtomorrownight,doyouwanttocome?
Phoebe:
Sure,ok,he’skindasexy!
Rachel:
Ohno,no,I’mgoingtobetheretoo.
Phoebe:
Ok,sowecancomeupwithsomekindofsignal.Ifit’sgoingwell,youcanjusttakeoff.
Rachel:
Yeah,Pheebs,Ijustneedyouthereforsupport.Ihaven’ttoldhimthatI’mpregnantyet.
Phoebe:
Whynot?
Rachel:
CauseIknowhe’sgoingtofreakoutandIhateitwhenhegetsangry.
Phoebe:
OhRachel!
Thisisallso“Papadon’tpreach.”
Rachel:
Pheebs,he’sascaryguy!
Imean,onetimehecaughtmesmokingandhesaidifIeverdoitagain,he’sgoingtomakemeeatthewholepack.
Phoebe:
Wow!
Well,Iwillbethere!
Rachel:
Thanks.
Phoebe:
Gosh,I’mnotgoingtoletthatmanmakeyoueatyourbaby!
(Theysitdown)Op,hey,whoisthatguy?
(theylookataguykissingsomewoman)IthinkIknowhim.
Monica:
Noyoudon’t!
!
Rachel:
Noyoudon’t.
Phoebe:
OhmyGod!
Monica,he’sthestripperfromyourbacheloretteparty!
!
Chandler:
Herwhat?
!
Phoebe:
Yoursecretbacheloretteparty.
Chandler:
Youhadabacheloretteparty?
Phoebe:
Sheuntiedhisg-stringwithherteeth.Somebodystopme!
!
Chandler:
Ithoughtweweren’tgoingtohavebachelor/bacheloretteparties.Weagreedthatitwasasillytradition.
Joey:
Agrandtradition!
Monica:
I’msorry!
Theysurprisedme!
TherewasnothingIcoulddo!
Rachel:
Well,youcould’veuntieditwithyourhands.
Joey:
Thisissounfair.TheonethingIwantedtodowasthrowmyfriendabachelorparty,but,oh,Iwasn’tallowedto.Allwegotwasastupidsteakdinner.
Chandler:
Youwenthomewiththewaitress.
(Joeyreminisces.)
Joey:
Uh,yeah,thatwasaprettygoodnight.
Chandler:
Ican’tbelieveyoudidn’ttellme.Youknowthatthetwopillarsofmarriagearehappinessandhonesty!
Monica:
Uh!
Iknowgivingyouthatbookwouldcomebackandbitemeintheass!
OpeningCredits
[Scene:
Arestaurant.Phoebe,RachelandDr.Greenarelookingatmenus.]
Dr.Green:
HowaboutIordereveryonetheMoroccanchicken?
Phoebe:
Oh,I,Idon’teatmeat.
Dr.Green:
It’schicken!
!
Phoebe:
Yeah,Idon’teatthateither.
Dr.Green:
Idon’tunderstandyouLesbians.(RachelmouthssomethingtoPhoebe)So,baby,whatisnewwithyou?
Rachel:
Actually,um-
(Awaitercomeswiththewine.)
Waiter:
Your‘74Lafitte,sir.
Dr.Green:
‘74?
!
Iordereda‘75.That’samagnificentwine.The‘74issewage!
Whywouldyoubringmesewage?
!
Isthatahardquestion?
Areyouanidiot?
Isthatwhyyou’reawaiter?
Waiter:
ThisiswhyItoldthemanagerIwouldn’twaitonyoutonight!
(Hegoesoff.)
Dr.Green:
Oh,don’tbesuchababy!
(Hefollowshim.)
Rachel:
Incaseyoudidn’tnotice,thatisascaryman.
Phoebe:
Andhe’srightthough.The‘74isabsolutepiss!
Rachel:
Thiswassuchahugemistake.Ican’ttellhim,Phoebe.Ican’t,Ican’t.
Phoebe:
Rachel!
Rachel:
No,it’sok.thisiswhatI’mgoingtodo.I’mgoingtowaitacoupleofyearsandthenthebabywilltellhim.
Phoebe:
What?
Sohecangetmadatthebaby?
Rachel:
Thatisthebaby’sproblem.(Dr.Greenreturns)Ah,everythingokwiththewaiter?
Dr.Green:
Ihavenoidea.Iwenttothebar.So,sweetie,youwerestartingtotellme.Whatis,whatisnewwithyou?
Rachel:
Well,uhhh,I’m-IgotTiVo!
Dr.Green:
What’sTiVo?
Phoebe:
It’sslangfor“pregnant.”
Rachel:
Phoebe!
Dr.Green:
Areyoureallypregnant?
Rachel:
Uh,yesandno.Except,notno.Sotosumitup,yeah!
Dr.Green:
Who’sthefather?
Ah,no,pleasedon’ttellmeit’sher.
Rachel:
No,it’sRoss.It’sRoss.YoulikeRoss!
(Heshakeshishead)Daddy,Ihopeyou’reokwithit.Imean,thisisagoodthing.Thisisyourfirstgrandchild!
You’regonnabeaPoppy!
Dr.Green:
That’strue.
Rachel:
Yeah
Dr.Green:
I’mgoingtobeaPoppy!
Oh,I’mgoingtobeaPoppy!
Rachel:
Ohyeah!
(They’rebothlaughing.)
Dr.Green:
Oh...oh...So,whenisthewedding?
Rachel:
Uh,hmm,who?
Dr.Green:
Thewedding.There’sgoingtobeawedding.Younglady,don’tyousitthereandtellmethatmyfirstgrandchildisgoingtobeabastard.RachelKarenGreen,tellmethere’sgoingtobeawedding!
!
Rachel:
February2nd!
[Scene:
CentralPerk.Chandler,Joey,RossandMonaarethere.]
Mona:
So,ifwasreallycoolseeingyoulecturetoday.
Ross:
Oh,thanks.Although,uh,itkindaseemedyouwerefallingasleepthere.
Mona:
Oh,no,no.IhadmyeyesclosedsoIcould,y’know,concentrateandtakeitallin.
Ross:
Yeah,alotofmystudentsdothat.
Mona:
Umm...So,um,Igottagetgoing.
Ross:
I’llseeyoutonight?
Mona:
Yeah.
Ross:
Bye.
(Theykiss.)
Mona:
Oh,thanksagainforshowingmeyoursemi-preciousstonecollection.Itwasamazing!
(Sheleaves.)
Chandler:
MyGod,youmustbegoodinbed!
Joey:
So,youandMona.It’sbeenawhilenow,how’sitgoing?
Ross:
Uh,it’sgood.It’s,it’sgoinggood.Imean,wegetalonegreat.She,she’sso-
Joey:
Hot?
Ross:
Iwasgoingtosaysweet,butyuh-huh!
Chandler:
Andshe’sokwithRachelandthebaby?
Ross:
Well,Ihaven’tactuallytoldheryet.Idon’twanttoscareher.
Chandler:
Well,yougottabehonestwithher,otherwiseyoumaythinkyou’regoingdownthesamepath,butyou’reactuallygoingdowndifferentones.
Joey:
I’mgonnatakethatbookandI’mgonnabeatyoutodeathwithit.
(Monicaenters.)
Monica:
OhmyGod,you’regonnalovemesomuch!
Ifeltsobadaboutthebachelorettething,sotonight,you‘regonnahaveabachelorparty!
Chandler:
What?
Monica:
Yeah,IgotthisnumberfromaguyatworkandIhiredastrippertocomedanceforyou.AmIgoingintothewifehalloffameorwhat?
!
Chandler:
Honey,that’scrazy!
Idon’tneedyoutogetmeastripper!
Joey:
Willyoulettheladytalk?
!
Monica:
Comeon,comeon!
It’llbefun!
It’llmakemefeelsomuchbetter.
Chandler:
Iappreciateit,butit’ssortacreepy,y’know?
I’mnotabacheloranymore.
Monica:
Sodon’tthinkofitasabachelorparty.Thinkofitasatwomonthanniversarypresent.
Ross:
Oneyearispaperbuttwomonthsisalapdance!
(Joeynods.)
Monica:
Please,Ifeelsobad!
Justwatchthehotwomangetnaked!
Chandler:
Fine,fine,butI’monlydoingthisforyou.
Joey:
Yeah!
Chandler:
AndJoey.
Monica:
Thankyou.Allright,whoelsedoyouwanttoinvite?
Chandler:
JustRoss,RossandJoeyareembarrassingenough.
Ross:
Uh,sorry,Ican’tmakeit.I’mseeingMonaagaintonight.
Chandler:
Iunderstand.Whowouldcancelanactualdatejusttogotoabachelorparty?
(Joey’sonthephonewithagirlfriend.)
Joey:
I’msorry,Igottacanceltonight,baby.
(Hegivesthemathumbup.)
[Scene:
Therestaurant.PhoebeandRachelareatthetablealone.]
Phoebe:
I’msorry.Ican’tmakeittoyourimaginarywedding,but,uh,I’mreallybusythatday.I,I,IalreadyhaveaunicornBaptismandaleprechaunBarMitzvah.
Rachel:
Allright,allright.I,I,Ipanicked,Ipanicked.Ijustdidn’twanthimtostartyellingatmelikeIwassome‘74Latour.
Phoebe:
Lafitte.The‘74Latourisactuallydrinkingquitenicely.
(Dr.Greeniscomingback.)
Rachel:
Allright,herehecomes.I’mgoingtodothis.I’mgoingtobestrong.
Dr.Green:
Ijustcalledafriendofmine.
Rachel:
Yeah.
Dr.Green:
IthinkImaybeabletobookthePlazaonshortnotice.
Rachel:
Really?
!
ThePlaza?
!
!
OhDaddy!
!
!
(hugshim)Right.Daddy.Ineedtotalktoyou.Pleasesitdown.
Dr.Green:
Whatisit,sweetie?
Rachel:
There’snotgoingtobeawedding.RossandIaren’tgettingmarried.
Dr.Green:
What?
Rachel:
I’msorry,Daddy.
Dr.Green:
Idon’tbelievethis!
!
!
Rachel:
Allright,staycalm,Daddy,please.
Dr.Green:
How?
!
Howdoyouexpectmetostaycalm?
!
!
Thisisunacceptable,Rachel!
!
AndIwannaknowwhy!
!
IsitbecausethatpunkRosswon’tmarryyou?
AmIright?
!
!
Rachel:
Yes,yes,hesaysI’mdamagedgoods.
(Phoebe’smouthdropsopen.)
[Scene:
ChandlerandMonica’s,Chandler’sbachelorparty.He’swearingagoldcrownandJoey’swearingagoldtophat.They’rewaitingforthestripper.]
Joey:
So,uh,younervousaboutgettingmarried?
Chandler:
Whatareyoudoing?
Joey:
Look,let’spretendit’sarealbachelorparty,ok?
Like,beforeyourwedding.It’llbemorefun.
Chandler:
Ican‘tbelievetomorrow’sthebigday.
Joey:
How’sitfeelknowingyou’renevergoingtobewithanotherwomanagain?
Knowingyou’regoingtowakeuptothesamefaceeveryday,untilyou’refinallygoingtohavethesweetreleaseofdeath?
Chandler:
You’reright,thisismorefun.
(There’sknockingonthedoor.)
Joey:
It’sher.Ok,comeon!
(Theyopenthedoor.)
Stripper:
Hi.
Chandler:
Hi.
(Joeyblowshisnoisemaker.)
Stripper:
So,whichoneofyouluckyboysisChandler?
Joey:
Oh,that,that,that’sme!
Chandler:
That’sme.
Joey:
JoeyTribbiani.(shakeshands)Bigfan.
Stripper:
Sothat’sthebedroom?
Chandler:
Yeah,yeah,rightoverthere.
Stripper:
Wheneveryou’reready.
(Shegoesin.)
Chandler:
Thatwasweird.
Joey:
Why,whywouldshegointhebedroom?
Stripper:
I’mwaiting!
(Theygoinandimmediatelycomeout.)
Chandler:
Soshe’sa-
Joey:
Yep,that’sonenakedhooker!
[Scene:
Ross’splace.He’shavingwinewithMona.]
Mona:
Iloveyourplace!
(Picksupastatuette)Where’sthisguyfrom?
Ross:
Uh,that’san18thcenturyIndianartifactfromCalcutta.
Mona:
Oh,so,you’remorethanjustdinosaurs.
Ross:
Somuchmore.
(TheykissandMonakicksovertheIndianthing.)
Mona:
Oh,ohmyGod.I’msosorry!
Ross:
It’sallright.It’sf
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