SOUTH PARK1012.docx
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SOUTH PARK1012.docx
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SOUTHPARK1012
SOUTHPARK
10X12-GOGODGO
(1)
OriginalAirdate(COM):
01/NOV/2006
WRITTENBYMATTSTONE&TREYPARKER
DIRECTEDBYMATTSTONE&TREYPARKER
TRANSCRIPTPROVIDEDBY"TWIZTV.COM"
ORIGINALLYTRANSCRIBEDFORTHESOUTHPARKSCRIPTORIUM
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DISCLAIMER:
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"SOUTHPARK"andotherrelatedentitiesareowned,(TM)and?
byTREYPARKER&MATTSTONEviaCOMEDYCENTRALandCOMEDYPARTNERSinassociationwithIMPORTANTTELEVISION.Thistranscriptispostedherewithouttheirpermission,approval,authorizationorendorsement.Anyreproduction,duplication,distributionordisplayofthismaterialinanyformorbyanymeansisexpresslyprohibited.Itisabsolutelyforbiddentouseitforcommercialgain.Forentertainmentandeducationalpurposesonly.Noinfringementintended.
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SUMMARY:
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Cartman抯plantopropelhimselfintothefuturegoeshorriblywrong.SouthParkElementaryfacesstrongoppositiontothetopicofevolutionbeingtaughttothe4thgraders.ThemostvocalprotestsarefromMs.Garrisonwhohastoteachit.EricCartmancan抰bebotheredwithwhat抯goingoninclass.He抯busymanipulatinghisownpersonaltime-linetoalignwiththeprecisereleasedateofthenewest,hottestgame.
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TRANSCRIPT:
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[SouthParkMall,dawn.Oneredcarisseenontheparkinglot.]
[EVGames.AdvertisementsfortheupcomingNintendoWiiareplasteredalloverthewindows.Cartmanpacesthefloorinfrontofthestore]
Cartman:
[underhisbreath]Comeohhhn!
Comeohhhn!
Oh,fortheloveofGod,howmuchlonger?
!
[hismomarrives]
Liane:
Thereyouare,Eric.Whatareyoudoinghere?
Cartman:
I'mwaitingforthenewNintendoWiitocomeout.
Liane:
Whendoesitcomeout?
Cartman:
Threeweeks.Comeohhhn!
C-Comeohhhn!
Liane:
[takeshimbythehand]It'stimeforschool
Cartman:
[yankshishandawayandrunsbacktothestore]NoMom,youdon'tunderstand!
I'vebeenwaitingforthisthingtocomeoutformonths.Andnow,everydaytimeisslowingdown.It'slike...waitingforChristmas...timesathousand.
Liane:
Eric,you'rejustgoingtohavetobepatient.[pullshimawayagain]
Cartman:
Noo!
!
Nooo!
!
[SouthParkElementary,day.Mrs.Garrison'svoiceisheard]
Mrs.Garrison:
PrincipalVictoria,itiswrong!
[she'sattheprincipal'soffice,herbacktotheprincipal'sdesk.]ItiswrongandIsimplywillnotdoit!
[walksbacktothedesk]Icareaboutmystudents,andIwillnotfilltheirheadswithlies!
[poundsthedeskforemphasis]IamNOTteachingevolutioninmyclass!
!
[Mr.Mackeyisalsopresent]
PrincipalVictoria:
Mrs.Garrison,evolutionisintheschoolcurriculum.Wehavetoteachit.
Mrs.Garrison:
Evolutionisatheory!
Ahare-breainedtheorythatsaysI'mamonkey!
Iamnotamonkey!
!
I'mawoman!
Mr.Mackey:
M,m'kay.Ya-yourealizeevolutionhasbeenprettymuchuhhh...proven.
Mrs.Garrison:
Iwarnyou,PrincipalVictoria!
Thosestudentsarenotpreparedtohearthisstuff!
PrincipalVictoria:
Ourstudentswanttolearn,Mrs.Garrison,andthey'rematureenoughtohandleanything.
[Mrs.Garrison'sclassroom,later.Thekidsarechattingandmovingabouttheclassroom.Cartmanisblabberingincoherently]
Cartman:
HowlonguntilNintendoWiicomesoutnow?
!
Stan:
It'sstillthreeweeks.
Cartman:
OhGod...[shiverslikesomeoneinwithdrawal]Okay,howlongnow?
Kyle:
Willyoushutupalready?
!
[Mrs.Garrisonentersandisn'ttoohappyaboutherlesson]
Mrs.Garrison:
Allrightkids,itisnowmyjobtoteachyouthetheoryofevolution.
Butters:
Ohboy!
Mrs.Garrison:
NowI,forone,thinkevolutionisabnuchofBULLCRAP.ButI'vebeentoldIhavetoteachitanyway.ItwasthoughtupbyCharlesDarwinanditgoessomethinglikethis:
[goesuptoalargeposterofevolutionandbeginspointingthingsoutwithherpointer.]Inthebeginningwewereallfish.Okay?
Swimmingaroundinthewater.Andthenonedayacoupleoffishhadaretardbaby,andtheretardbabywasdifferent,soitgottolive.SoRetardFishgoesontomakemoreretardbabies,andthenoneday,aretardbabyfishcrawledoutoftheoceanwithits[waveshislefthandlimply]mutantfishhands...andithadbuttsexwithasquirrelorsomethingandmadethis.[pointstoarodent]retardfrogsquirrel,andthenthathadaretardbabywhichwasa...monkeyfish-frog...Andthenthismonkeyfish-froghadbuttsexwiththatmonkey,and...thatmonkeyhadamutantretardbabythatscrewedanothermonkeyand...thatmadeyou!
[facestheclass.Anewgirlisseatedinthefrontrow,lookingaround]Sothereyougo!
You'retheretardedoffspringoffivemonkeyshavin'buttsexwithafish-squirrel!
Congratulations!
Cartman:
[hoppingoutofhis
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